The Weekend

     Isn't this a fun font and color??? Leah once suggested I wear a sea foam green dress sometime in my life. It better be soon; wouldn't it be weird to see a middle aged women wearing a sea foam green dress. Not to say that I am goign to hit middle age soon but you know what I mean.

     Today has been a really good day. I skipped class today and did nothing. Well I worked on a paper that is due in a week (eek!!!). That was frustrating but I'll get through it. This weekend is a Soul Concern benefit show. I'm not psyched but I know I will have fun. I hope. And then this weekend Katie, Kristi and I are going to watch the old school Pride and Prejudice. It'll be fun. Plus we are going to color. Hehehe. I love being a kid again.

     GUESS WHAT!!!! I'M GOING TO AKASTASIA!!!!!!!!!! YEAH. sadly I will miss the release of the Sequel to Adam ep and their newest concert. Oh well. AKASTASIA only comes around once a year, the ep will last longer than that (I hope).

     I know I have seemed really depressed on my posts and let's face it I was. I think I am getting over that. How sad is that--almost 4 months into the semester and I am just now getting out of my initial depression.I just hope I can stay out of it.

     My roommate is sick and I hope I don't get it, and I also hope I don't get it.

     You should all read the poetry of John Donne (his later works, his first are very wrong). Later in life he became a very famous Christian poet. He is like Paul and David in one. He is amazing. You should all read his works.

     So how is everyone elses lives working out right now??

     I feel like a real person again. I don't know why really but I like it.

     Alright I've got to get my laundry out of the washer and into the dryer. I just love watching my money go to something that used to be free. Cherish it while you can.

     I love you all,

     I will be seeing you in a week,

     Sarah

Life

     It is really sad how college has depressed me if you will. I don't like it. I really just want to be myself again. I hate being unhappy and really busy.  I also want to relax again. I sadly haven't has time to relax at all since I got here. I am one of those people who has to be completely alone to relax, and my roommate never leaves the dorm except for classes and church and workstudy. I want to go home for like a week and kick everyone out of my house and make it my own. You know what would be better? Me having my own room.

      I don't want to do homework anymore. I don't want to do anything excpet sleep and do my own personal reading.

     I also want to be married so I don't have to ever worry about a guy being a problem again. I hate life.

     I need to talk to one of my friends this week so I can find out what his problem is with me b/c I really hater being around him because he is always really mean to me. I used to think that is the way he acted toward everyone but nope it is just to me.

     I just want to be done.

     Sometimes I wonder if I add to my worry? I wonder if I blow things out of proportion? Do I? Truthfully do I? I am already a cynical person, which has a lot to do with it, sadly. I try to be optimistic but it is just out my nature.

     What I really want is a hug. How can I feel so distant from everyone else even when I am surrounded by like twelve million people. That is right because I know they don't care about me.

     I know these are probably classic signs of depression, so if you could all be praying really hard for me that would be great.

     You know how you tell people what they want to hear- Don't it doesn't help. Please tell me the truth. I need it.

(On happy news I rode on a motocycle for the first time today, that was fun. But still not enough fun to wipe away all my other problems.)

             Thanks a lot,

                      Sarah

Life as we know it

     Ok so I have been really cynical (look it up at dictionary.com) lately and I don't know why. Have you ever just wanted to say something but you didn't becuase you know it would hurt someone but it is the truth because it is what you are feeling and what you as a person have seen happening to people? but you don't becuase you know that people will get hurt (most likely you the most in the end). what do you do? tell the truth or lie?

     Have you ever just wanted a really big hug from someone you haven't (as far as you know) met yet? Yes I'm talking about my future husband.

     Have you ever seen the way someone could be happy but they aren't because they are afraid?? Have you ever being in a situation so much that you became an expert and you tried to help other people not to be an expert as well but they don't listen becuase they are stubborn and won't listen to reason?

    Have you ever not known what God's plan for you life is and been so frustrated by it because you don't konw and can't help.Have you ever wondered if what you are doing is the right thing for Gods plan in your life This is one of those weeks where all my insecurities come rushing in. I know a lot you of respect me for being so self assured, self confident and upbeat, but I'll let you in on a little secret I'm not. In fact I am the worst out of everyone because I don't let people help and I keep a lot of stuff bottled up. Those of you who have seen me cry that is the tip of the iceberg.

     Have you ever wanted to be better friends with someone but something is holding them back? That is when I start to wonder what is wrong with me.

      Have you ever said something that you thought would be alright and you knew the second you looked at their face you had said the worst thing in the world to them??

     Finally have you ever just wanted you own room and own space??? Let me tell you I do-I don't want a roommate at all.

     Sorry I was so depressing today, it's just that I'm a better writer than a speaker and all the things i don't say come out when I write- and as you can see I haven't written in a while.

                     Bye guys,

                            Sarah

Internet

     Ok so the techies fixed my computer last week so that I now have internet on my computer in my room. But you know what I can't send any e-mails on my computer either on my York address or my yahoo. I can't even get to the Yahoo site. I hate this computer. Of course I can get to xanga but I can't get to anything relating to my homework. Which is incredibly because I have just wasted an hour trying to figure it out only to have nothing work and me be really frustrated. Now I have to inconvience Jamie so I can get my homework done.

     Other than that major hitch I am having a great day. All this last weekend I was at the Youth Rally which was fun. I liked it. Today is Sketchy Tuesday here at York. Everybody looks sketchy, well ok a lot of ppl. The entire soccer team went crazy. There were Michael Jackson impressions, and Anna Nicole Smith (by a guy) and Dick Cheney. It was hilarious today during chapel.

     Another frustrating thing is that I have to finish Beowulf (30 pages), my science which I don't get, and my Intro to Edu homework (which I can't do becuase I can't e-mail my homework to my professor). Anyway I should go and try to dent my homework situation.

I love you and miss you,

           Sarah

College Life

     I may be at the youth rally this weekend!!! Isn't that excititng? I will be a counselor over all my friends, that will be weird. I'm also sure it won't be as much fun as counseling with all of you. Kristi, Josh, Katie and I will hopefully be there. I want to be there so much, I miss a lot of people all of them read this xanga, well mostly. (I miss Sho).

    Update on college life- I want my own room. I don't like living with someone. I want my own room. It's not that I don't per sae dislike my roommate but it is definately different from living with people I know and love at camp. Here it is like if I'm not in class I'm in my room. To me my room is sacred territory; it is mine. If I don't want you in there you aren't. I can't kick Jamie out of my room cause it is hers too.

    I tried out for the play here and didn't make it.That is okay except that now I have no excuse not to get a job. The only problem I have next is where to look and what my time schedule should be, how much I should work... so on and on. Hopefully I will find one next week (yes I realize I should start looking now but I need to iron out when I do homework and relax and hang out with my friends.

     I should probablly finish the reading for todays class, oh well.

     Ok I have to go I love you all I will hopefully see you all this weekend. I love you all

                                    Sarah